Walk and Talk

One of the things I have struggled with most since having Rich gone is losing my freedom to come and go as I please; knowing we could usually arrange for one of us to watch Ethan as the other would run a quick errand or just take some time alone. I especially miss my morning walk and talks with God. When Rich and I were dating, we used to go on "walk and talks" around the City park in Manhattan. For some reason when we were walking, we were able to really just lay out what was on our hearts before each other...whether it be a frustration or a joy. When we got married, we continued these "walk and talks" (Yes, taken from Dr. Seuss Hop on Pop) They were a great way to get some exercise together and yet also have time to enjoy one another's company. If there was ever an "issue" that needed to be discussed, it was a great way to talk about it because neither of us could really leave the room or flee from discussing it.

I would also often enjoy walk and talks with God. There is just something so great about the fresh morning air, before the city seems to wake up with movement and get cluttered with busy people going here and there. I love having that quiet time with just me and God. Now that Rich is gone, I can, of course, still have that time with God, but I can't really leave the house since my sleeping toddler is there. As I woke up this morning, I was kind of bummed that it was raining because I actually have my MIL here and I could get OUT of the house early to go be with God. Well, God reminded me that it is not where I spend time with Him, but just that I DO spend time with Him. It is so easy to focus in on the things I can't do anymore instead of focusing in on what I can do. Yes, I miss those late night runs to Sonic and at times feel rather trapped at home, but overall, it is just forcing me to always plan ahead a bit more. So I can't run to Dillon's at 11:00 pm to get that one ingredient I forgot to make something for MOPS or that family I promised a meal the next morning. But, honestly, I would never give up my little boy for a little more freedom.

As I had a "sit and chit chat" with God this morning, I was once again filled with the same kind of encouraging words that He would speak to my heart while we were walking together. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth." ~Psalm 46 As I opened His word, I found these words to be written out right before me and even underlined (in Rich's Bible). Yes, God still speaks to me if I just take the time to listen! It was almost as if He were saying, "See, even Rich wants you to know that I am here for you."

I am SO thankful for my relationship with God. It is truly the only love that will last for a lifetime. If I had not had nurtured this relationship before Rich had died, I think my life would have literally fallen apart. There have been so many times that I have been lazy or too tired to actually open His word and soak it in. Yet, God's word never returns void. Every time I DO take the time to be faithful to open it up and just sit and chit chat with God, oh what glorious rewards I receive! He truly does know how to fill all of my needs. He is even willing to hold my hand through this journey of ups and downs. "For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you'" Isaiah 41:13 So, when I start to focus on what I no longer have, I pray that I will be able to redirect my thoughts to what I DO have and that is something that can NEVER be taken away...my relationship with Christ...someone who truly cares about my deepest needs, desires, and hopes for my future.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me that just because so much of my "freedom" has been taken away, you have never left my side. There are so many examples of those who truly had their freedom taken away in your Word. Even through imprisonment and persecution, they continued to seek you first. Give me that kind of strength!!

"Each loss is truest gain, if day by day, He fills the place of all He takes away."