Trusting God with my heart...

Ok, I am SO behind and that makes it kind of overwhelming to know where to even start. So, just going to touch on some highlights of ways God has continued to teach me SO much about his character over the past couple of months and also continued to teach me to just TRUST Him every step of the way.

One big step of faith in my life lately was when I got a call from the pastor of our church asking me to speak and share "my story" on Easter Sunday of all Sundays. Whew...this was slightly overwhelming and kind of hard because I thought I had made it perfectly clear to God that I had been obedient with speaking already. ;-) Lets just say it is NOT my favorite thing to do and yet even on the night of the accident, I remember thinking, "God is going to have me share about Him through this and probably ask me to speak in front of crowds of people." I have been amazed at the grace He has granted me by giving me the words, the calmness, and the peace to get through it each time. Starting with the high school bachelorette and then onto Expresso at our church and other small engagements...it DID continue to get easier. I had to learn different approaches for reaching and connecting with different groups of people, but the emotional experience of reliving the whole experience became easier each time and EVERY time I was amazed at how God would work and the connections He let me make with others to share more about Him. Ultimately, I just want others to know Him and be free to live in the knowledge and joy that comes from knowing Him!! So, in a way, I knew right away that my answer would be YES, I will come and speak at church on Easter Sunday. Once again, I was blown away by the way God used little me and was gracious enough to even reveal to me some of the fruit that came from my talk. I was approached after church by a guy I went to grade school with who was just visiting with his family and is now regularly attending our church! I also had people tell me story after story of family that had been in town that visited and the perfect timing of them hearing how God worked through my life due to a loss or tragedy in their own lives. I was reminded again to always always be open to whatever it may be that God is calling us today even if it means putting our pride and fears aside and doing things that are out of our comfort zone!

And then, AGAIN, I was asked to speak. Seriously, I have pretty much just given up trying to talk my way out of this area with God. :-) I've surrendered to whatever you want...just use me! A mom of one of the soccer players at Shawnee Heights High School called me up and asked if I would be willing to come to their end of the year banquet and share some "encouraging words". This would have been the last group of girls that Rich had coached to graduate. They were his "Freshman girls" group and he really enjoyed this part of his job to the fullest. Coaching gave him an opportunity to let go of as much of a classroom authoritative position and just joke around (much more his style) and show the love of Christ in a fatherly kind of way. He was such a natural at this and those girls just loved him!! So, I called this woman back and asked if I could share my faith...I told her that it would probably come up regardless because it was just a huge part of who I was and who Rich had been. She called the coach up and he emailed back and said I had 15-20 minutes to share as much and as openly as I wished! I was very excited about this!! For the first time, I was not even nervous (until right before-ha!) My talk came together so easily and when I began speaking, I was again at complete peace and I pray that seeds were planted that night!!

Well, another area of my life that has been way out of my comfort zone has been the area of dating. I have had such mixed feelings about it for such a long time. Wanting to move forward. Trying to go out on dates, and not enjoying them or just finding myself frustrated with the whole process and doubting that there could possibly be two people in this world that God would have for me...almost feeling selfish for thinking I deserved another good man. And then there were issues I had to deal with such as there being a lack of maturity or guys that wanted to date me but wanted nothing to do with Ethan (um, yeah, he is a BIG part of ME) and just general frustration that I was even back in the place of dating again at all! This was NOT something I ever planned to do again and to be quite frank, was quite happy to be married and close the chapter on that area of my life! I spent the last couple of years pouring over God's word and prayer about this issue. I knew that I still longed to have another companion in my life and would love to continue to grow my family, but prayed that God would always make me content with right where I was in each moment! And I was and I still am! So...funny story :-)

I have a couple of friends that continued to ask me about this area of my life and one friend in particular that sent me a link to an article all about the success of eHarmony. (Thanks, Jen ;-) We had a few chats and joked about it and how I thought it was just ridiculous and no one ever really finds a mate that way...although she did not agree with me. Then, another friend and I met for a playdate with our boys one day and she also brought up eHarmony. I had several other people mention it in passing, but left her house thinking...well why not?! I am always up for a challenge, and with my skeptical thinking about eHarmony went into the process thinking, "I'm going to prove to everyone that THIS does not work and then when asked again I can tell them I had already tried that route." I DID pray over it often and asked that God would just use the process for an opportunity to teach me some things about myself and if nothing else, maybe I would get a couple of dates out of the deal which would reimburse me for my monthly payment of $20. (oh yeah, only agreed to sign up during the special rate time too-haha) ;-) So, I began daily going through matches and started to feel like it was really too much work. After almost a month, I was about to just click on the close matches button when this certain guy came up. I'm really not sure why, but something about him kind of intrigued me. So, I went ahead and started the "process" of going through the form written questions with him. Right away he just seemed different and I was especially impressed as soon as we started communicating by email. However, I was still quite skeptical and daily journaling and basically telling God that it wouldn't work anyway because he didn't fit into my three year nursing school plan. Well, I should know better than to go down that road...I know that I may plan my course but God WILL direct my steps if I really seek Him with all my heart! I began writing things like, "well, God I just don't know if he has ____ trait or ____ trait or has experience with ____." God began to specifically answer my prayers EVERY time the next time we would talk on the phone. This guy, Eric, would bring up the topic that I had been discussing with God the night before. I finally decided to let go and stop guarding my heart and let GOD take control of my heart. We continued to get to know each other from a distance for about two months before we finally met face to face. He was even better in person than through writing and on the phone. :-) I was so impressed with how easily we were able to communicate and really enjoyed our time together. So, here I am continuing to get to know him and we are both excited about the possibilities of the future, but also continuing to give it up to God in prayer. I still believe God had a lot more to do with our meeting than eHarmony, but will have to say my friends were at least partly right. ;-) He is a great guy with a heart that loves the Lord and has the maturity to truly understand me and where I am coming from and not only respects, but also loves the mommy in me. I could go on and on about him, but will keep all the gushing for a later date. :-) Please pray with us as we continue to seek God first in our relationship and the direction that He desires for our lives! THANKS!