Step By Step...

Last night was a HARD night. It has been a long time since I was in this place...MANY tears, bad deams, waking up crying in my sleep, good dreams, waking up and crying because He was not really here anymore. Due to a very small amount of sleep, I decided to stay home and take it easy and not go to my Bible Study this morning. Due to the lack of sleep, and weak emotional state, I was afraid I would show up and cry my way through it. This may have been understandable 9 or 10 months ago, but now?!!

God has blessed me with GREAT friends...those that push me when I need to be pushed and let me rest when they know I need it. There is no expectation of where I "should" be in my journey. I personally put that pressure on myself. God reminded me today that He is the only one I should be living for and not the opinions of others.

My friend, Karah, invited me to lunch after Bible Study...a very casual non-threatening way of getting me out of the house. She is so good at being the kind of friend that knows when to speak and when to just listen. We didn't talk about anything earth shattering, but I enjoyed the time and was again encouraged that step by step He'll lead me. I need to continue to hang on to His promise for my life and know that my God truly has His best in plan for my life, even if that does not include my mate.

Tonight I got together with my small group for a cookout. Such a wonderful group of friends. I feel very comfortable when I am around them and know that they truly care. Yet, they are SO good about not making it all about me or my needs or concerns. I want life to consist of more than just my grief...and it is beginning to take that turn.

"When you worry about what you don't have, you won't be able to enjoy what you do have."

*An Ethan moment of the day ~ He has a stuffed Macaroni Penguin that I got him in Chicago when we went to the aquarium. He hasn't played with it for awhile, but he dug it out of the bottom of his basket of stuffed animals yesterday. We have been calling it "Tickles" because it tickles when he shakes his head against you. He keeps using it to tickle himself, me, and other stuffed animals and just giggles. As we were reading a book today, we came across another breed of penguins- Adele penguins and Emperor penguins. I explained that his was a Macaroni Penguin and he just laughed. He started pointing at it and calling it "Cheese". So now his penguin has a new name! :-)