Looking Up!

I feel like "looking up" is a message that God is continually placing in my life from all kinds of sources. Sometimes I can be a bit of a slow learner and so God has to pound the idea into my head from all different directions. :-)

I was very encouraged by all I have been learning in my Bible Study this past week. I always come away from our weekly sessions feeling refreshed as well. It is amazing to me how God's Word is always ready to teach us something new. The part that is most fascinating is how God uses it to reach us all on such an individual and intimate level. I love listening to what others are learning from the study during our sharing time. We all studied the same material, and yet God uses it so uniquely in each of our lives. What an amazing God we serve! We joked a bit this morning about how our calendars are often so full, but we can only imagine what God's calendar must look like! :-)

One of the points Beth Moore talked about in the study this week was our focus and how where we are looking greatly affects our outlook on life. To be exact she said, "Where we look- where we genuinely fasten our gaze- amid continual life challenges has a tremendous impact on how we feel." "Where I look -> What I hear -> What I feel -> What I expect"
I was reminded that no matter how much of a routine I follow and even if that routine includes spending time with God, if my whole heart is not looking to Him, my attitude and life will not change. I must take my eyes OFF of my circumstances and put them ON Him!

Then, as my week continued I could not believe how many times I heard the song by Brandon Heath on K-Love "Give me Your Eyes". It was a good reminder of how I need to be viewing life--through my Father's eyes and not my own. My own are so clouded by my own selfish needs and desires at times. When I focus on ME or even on OTHERS, I find myself feeling either sorry for myself or even, at times, envious of others. THEN, when I think about how God sees us and our real purpose here on this earth--not to focus on my problems, but to lead others to HIM---I am reminded, once again, to look up!

Also, this morning as we walked into Bible Study, our facilitator, Sara, had taped dollar bills to the ceiling and had change on the floor. It was an illustration that often we get too caught up in the nickels and dimes of life to notice the dollars in our life. If we would just look past the little problems and look up to God, those little things would not seem like such a big deal.

This morning I was reading from a book called "Daily Splashes of Joy" by Barbara Johnson. She is a great author and speaker who has been through SO much tragedy of her own. I have always been one that has sought out books on joy and living a joy-filled life. Overall, I am usually a pretty happy person. I remember once in high school, having a girl ask me, "Why are you always so happy?" What a great opportunity it gave me to tell her where my true source of joy was found. One of the hardest things I have struggled with through losing Rich is finding that joy in the midst of the pain. I want so badly to be genuine and real, and yet being sad or even miserable at times is not what I want others to see. I want my life to continue to be a reflection of Christ. I realize that sadness and joy can co-exist, but it is a complicated matter!

When we were first married, Rich and I used to love just spending time reading together. Actually we were reading our own books, but would just enjoy them in each others' presence. I would often stop and share something I was learning or something funny and he would do the same. (Though I have to admit, I would interrupt him much more than he would interrupt me!)
One of my favorite books by Barbara Johnson is called "Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy." Rich thought it was a ridiculous title, but would laugh when he would see me giggling over something in it. Whenever I was in a bad mood or just a bit grouchy about something he would say, "You need to go stick a daisy or carnation or whatever in your hat." It would always make me laugh because he could never get it right and it was a good reminder that I needed to change my attitude. This morning as I was reading, Barbara was referring to problems in our lives. I love the way she phrased it and so am going to share the whole thing...

"There are several steps in the process of giving a problem completely to God. You take your first step when life rises up to knock you flat- you CHURN. You feel as if your insides are full of knives chopping you up in a grinder. Your next step is to BURN. That's right, you want to kill the one who caused your pain, and then you want to kill yourself. You literally feel as if you're burning up inside.
In your third step, you YEARN. Oh, you want so much for things to change. You yearn for the happy past, and this stage often lasts the longest of all. But then you take the next step: You LEARN. You talk with others, perhaps find a support group, and you learn that you're in a long growth process. The wonderful result is that you relieve your own pain.
And finally, you take your last step. You TURN. You turn your problem over to the Lord completely by saying, 'Whatever, Lord! Whatever you bring into my life, You are strong enough to get me through it.'"

This pretty much sums up the process I went through this past year. I think I am still a bit between the learning and turning process. AND, at times, I step back into the yearning. I want to look UP! I know this is what will pull me through so that I can completely TURN it over to God. I can say with my words, "Whatever, Lord!" But deep in my heart, I still cling to people in my life that I think I could not bare to lose. It is almost as if I feel like I have done my fair share of suffering for my lifetime. Yet, I know that is not up to me to decide and I KNOW there is more suffering ahead. So, my prayer is that I can give it all up to Jesus and truly mean it with my whole heart. The quote at the bottom of this entry was "Sorrow looks back. Worry looks around. Faith looks up." There we go again with the looking up! I think that after a week of so many reminders, I have learned that God desires for me to look completely to Him. It is easy, at times, for me to go to friends or family with my issues. I know God uses others in my life to fill a need and even give me wise counsel, but it is HE that I must look to first! After all, He is the only one that knows ALL... "Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." (John 13:7)

I can just imagine the spiritual battle between my Lord and Satan that may have taken place the night of Rich's death. Satan thought he would win the battle by taking a life. Yet, as Paul so eloquently put it, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Phil. 1:21 Rich didn't lose out on anything! He has escaped the sufferings of this world. AND, I can only begin with the amazing impact his death has had on the lives of so many! The battle is not over, but I refuse to let Satan get my life too. I refuse to drown myself in my sorrows. I will continue to look up. God KNEW that HE was big enough and strong enough to get me through this and that He would be glorified!

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me (even if you had to do it several times and will have to do it several more) to look up! Thank you so much for leaving us with your precious Word so that we may continue to learn more about you as we learn to trust you completely with our lives.

You Alone
(David Crowder Band)

You are the only one I need
I bow all of me at your feet
I worship You alone

You have given me more than
I could ever have wanted
And I want to give you my heart and my soul

You alone are Father
You alone are Good
You alone are Savior
You alone are God

I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive!