A new year = new beginnings! I began this year with a bit of the winter blues (It didn't help that we had record lows and crazy weather that literally snowed us IN). Yet, all that time at home allowed me to think through things and begin to think about the year to come. I'm not much to make resolutions because I hate jumping on the latest band wagon or craze and would rather make long-term life goals. I began to think about how some of my life goals have changed a bit due to the circumstances and direction my life has gone. I am entering year 3 of living my life without the one I promised to love and cherish until death do us part. I still love him and have accepted the fact that a part of me always will. As I visited his grave over Christmas break in TX, the tears still surfaced and my heart just cried out to God once again, "I don't really understand, but I will continue to trust you." I often have to say these words out loud as a reminder to myself that it is ok to hurt, but that I also must choose to accept the life God has given me and trust that He will continue to do great things through me.
I can honestly say that I truly enjoyed my Christmas this year. (This was a first and encouraged me greatly!) I looked forward to being surrounded by family and the many nephews and nieces on my side and being with Rich's family too. It is still hard for me to believe that I am not raising a hand full of kids of my own with my husband by my side. I always dreamed of having a large family and it is just so strange at times when I stop and realize I am a single mom raising a single child. Yet, it feels right and I am truly learning to be content with what God has given me. As I was having a real heart to heart with God out in the pasture in TX over Christmas, I felt like He was saying to me, "Am I enough?!" This past year I was almost just waiting for what was next. I kept thinking maybe He would bring someone into my life so that I could carry on with my life that almost felt like it was put on hold. Everyone around me continued to grow their families and I continued to watch so many couples around me get married. Many people tried to set me up on blind dates or tell me they were praying for me to meet someone. I know they really just have my best interest in mind, but it proved to be a big distraction in my life. That day in the pasture on Jan. 1, 2010, God was reminding me (and has many times again since then) that HE IS ENOUGH! It is almost humorous how many times I have been reminded. I go to church and we sing about His Grace being Enough, "Jesus You're All I Need", etc. I sing songs with Ethan from his kids CDs about God not making mistakes and "I envy no-bo-dy", etc, etc. etc. I open His Word and am bombarded with verses about His perfect plan, His perfect love, and being thankful for what we have. So, as I tucked my sweet boy into bed tonight I told him how thankful I am that God gave Him to me and how much He loves us. He innocently answers, "I know, Mom...He gave us the perfect family--you and me!" God speaks straight through that three year old to my heart SO often! :-)
So, even though I often have to "put my feet on the floor" (as Ethan says some mornings when he greets my by my bed some mornings WAY too early)and choose that I am going to live today with a grateful heart for all I have been given, God rewards me daily for that choice! He truly IS enough! I have let go of some life goals of mine this year. God may still choose to direct my path in a different way some day, but for now, I really am enjoying the path I'm on! I'm letting go of some dreams that I once had. He IS enough and I am learning to really not only survive, but LOVE the life I have once again! How blessed I am to have any child at all! How blessed I am to have AMAZING friends that still reach out to us and take care of so many needs. (I am almost embarrassed that I have the best shoveled driveway on the whole block!) :-) How blessed I am that I have family that loves us and prays faithfully for us! How blessed I am that I have a church that I look forward to going to knowing I will hear truth about my Lord, Savior, and Redeemer and be surrounded by others who want to follow Him too and encourage me in my personal walk with Him! How blessed I am that His GRACE IS enough! I'm looking forward to another year of learning what it means to truly have "Perfect Trust" in Him. Not looking for any person or thing or event to fill me. He fills me perfectly and for that I am so very thankful!
"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!" ~Psalm 118:24
"I will sing of the Lord's great love forever." ~Psalm 89:1
"Great is our Lord and mighty in power." ~Psalm 147:5
"The Lord says, 'Those who hope in me will not be disappointed." ~Isaiah 49:23
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." ~Psalm 5:3
About Me
- Elizabeth
- My life was changed forever, but not destroyed, when I lost my best friend, my dear husband in August of 2007. I am learning how to have "Perfect Trust" in Christ and His will for my life and the life of my precious two year old son, Ethan.
1 comment:
Hi Elizabeth, I have wanted to tell you what an encouragement reading your blog and being around you has been to me, even though I cry every time I read your posts...I am in m2m with you and the first time I was around you I thought to myself "this girl is so sweet and cheerful." Then I realized who you were and I was amazed. I continue to be astounded when God is glorified through tragedy and it is a good constant reminder for me that He is in control and has my best interest in the palm of his hand. So anyways, thanks. See you at m2m!
-reagan
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