The end of the napkins...

Written in May 2011... I can't believe how much time has passed since I have written on this blog and how much has happened in my life! God is continuing to teach and grow me closer to Him in so many ways! The thing that inspired and reminded me to write today is the fact that I just recently used up the supply of napkins that was so lovingly given to my son and I the days, weeks, and months following my husband's death. We had SO many people pour into our lives through words, time, cards, food, house repairs, household items, and even napkins! :-) In fact, it kind of became a joke as I looked in my garage at the crazy amount of napkins and paper plates that people had brought to me. Yet, God used them as a CONSTANT reminder of how He WILL supply ALL of my needs. Here it is over FOUR years later and I just used up the end of my supply about a month ago. This shows how generous everyone was to meet our material needs. It was because of these practical gifts (everything from dish soap to napkins to toilet paper, etc) that I was able to concentrate my time and effort into healing, loving on my son, and seeking God with my WHOLE heart in a time of such immense grief and shock and pain. I know so many people dive into work to get through grief, but this was not my journey. I feel SO incredibly blessed to have had the extra time and energy to face it head on daily. It wasn't always easy (and trust me, there were days I wanted to just run away from it all- even the people that were so lovingly checking in on me).

I will never be the same person because of this journey God has allowed me to go through. He has taught me I am NEVER alone, He is my very best friend, He truly WILL meet all of our needs, and His plan for our lives is always best even if we don't understand it in this lifetime. Getting married and especially having children truly teach you that life is about so much more than YOU, but it is when life doesn't go the way WE think it should that we learn that it is really not about us at all! Our purpose on this earth is to bring our God glory and to bring others to know Him. There is nothing that brings more joy because our true source of joy and happiness comes from HIM!

Since I last posted, there have been so many changes in my life! I just got married to an incredible man that I love so deeply in May. This has come with its joys and challenges (as every marriage does). I have learned that there are sometimes new things that can trigger my grief. Although the waves are a lot less frequent and less intense, I know that realistically, I will always miss Rich and have learned to just be very grateful for the part he played in my life and the years we had together. To be continued...