Oh no, He'll never let go!!

Wow! SO much has happened in my life since my last post. Organizing my thoughts and sharing all that is on my heart may be hard to do in writing. I am going to do my best to sum up the events of my life and share some continued "God moments" as He continues to bless me abundantly and remind me that He has a hand in every detail of my life!!

First of all, I just LOVE to share the miraculous ways that God continues to care for Ethan and me. Seriously, I just can't get ahead of Him...though every part of my earthly body wants to take moments to worry or fret about finances or future plans for my life, HE has not allowed that to happen because He is always one step ahead of me laying out every detail so clearly and giving me not a moment to doubt His amazing provision. One example of his miraculous work in my life came with a notice from my mortgage company. About a month and a half ago, I received a letter saying that there was a mistake made with my escrow payments and that I was going to owe an extra eighty-some dollars a month to cover the costs in my mortgage payments. Well, this immediately caused a little concern because I live on a very tight budget that just does not allow for an extra eighty-some dollars to be spent each month. It said the payment adjustments would be made starting in Sept. I knew I would be gone most of the month of Sept and would not be able to work extra days or find little jobs to supplement this cost while I was away. I did not really worry about it though. For some reason, I set it aside and remembered to pray about it, but just knew He would provide somehow!! I didn't even mention this to anyone, because I didn't want others worrying about it or jumping in to help me out. (I have already had SO much done for me!) A couple of weeks later, as I was getting ready for bed, I pulled out a book that had been packed in my travel bag called "God is in Control". I had not looked at this book for a couple of weeks, but remembered something in it that I wanted to read. When I opened up the book, all kinds of bills from 100s to 50s to 10s to 1s fell out coming to a total of $1008 dollars!! I was just in shock. I could not imagine where this money had come from. I started to rack my brain for any explanation. I HAD left my travel bag in my car for a few days, but could not imagine anyone would put that kind of cash in an unlocked car! Anyway, I was just so shocked about the amount of money and that there was actually cash in my book that I didn't make the connection until the NEXT day. There on my dining room table was the notice. I picked it up and added up $84 times 12 months....it came to exactly $1008. I know that God often uses His people to supply our needs, but I was STILL in shock and to this day can not figure out where the money came from...possibly straight from the hand of God!! So, once again, He proved to me that He has me right where I need to be and that He WILL take care of my needs!

Another HUGE blessing came in the opportunity to trust God with my life and the life of my son as I traveled overseas on a short-term trip to teach English and share my life with my students. It was a big step of faith to leave Ethan, but I felt like this was not an opportunity I could pass up. I knew he would be well cared for and loved in the hands of his grandparents. He is a very secure child who has never faced separation anxiety (a HUGE blessing!!) and so I felt confident in leaving him for this period of time. Again, I was not sure what others would think and if I should even ask for support. But, I took a chance and sent out some letters to let others know what I was planning to do. I figured if this was not in God's plan for my life He would make it obvious and just not provide a way for me to get there. Well, the support was amazing! I had the money raised to go in less than two weeks! People were asking to give and to pray that I had not even sent letters to about my trip. And my trip was beyond amazing!! I have a whole new perspective on how to pray more specifically for the Muslim culture and the workers that are living there. I had the opportunity to share my life, my hurts, and my hope with some of my students. Thankfully, I was able to hand my friendships over to other believers that will be there for the entire year so that the seeds planted may blossom into changed lives for eternity!! I will continue to pray by name for each of these girls and hope to someday greet their beautiful faces at the gates of heaven! I was able to see more pain and feelings of worthlessness than I have ever seen in the insecurity of girls here. I had a girl actually cry in my class as she shared that her dream was "to be a boy because then my life would have purpose." I pray she truly heard truth when I talked with her later and just told her that God did not make a mistake when he created her and that He knew every hair on her head and loved her perfectly just the way she was made! I hope someday she will hear that He even sent His son, Jesus, to die for HER!

When I got home, it was so good to reconnect with Ethan, my family, and friends. My son loves to sing and a new song I often hear him belting out around the house is, "Oh no, He'll never let go...through the calm and through the storm...Oh no, He'll never let go...every high and every low...He'll never let go of me." How TRUE this song is and how FAITHFUL God has proved Himself to be over and over again in MY life and my son's life. It was good to have time away and time to myself. Even though I was busy in a foreign land with the purpose of teaching and praying for opportunities to share and for others to just SEE Jesus in me, I was also able to reflect a LOT on my life over the past two years. WOW, what a journey I have been through. Yet, I can honestly say, that He NEVER LET GO!

I feel more confident in who I am in Christ than I have ever felt before. I KNOW that He is in charge of every detail of my life and that He continues to have great plans for me and my future. I hope to have MANY opportunities to share about Him with others. But my heart is especially soft to the idea of sharing with others who may have had NO opportunity to know about Him and maybe not even the freedom to hear about Him. Not sure where He is leading me and Ethan with our future...but I am going to continue to pursue opportunities to serve Him wherever He has me...whether it be here in the States or overseas. For a while, I was so hurt and just surviving to really see clearly enough to think about my future. But now, I see SO many opportunities and can honestly say I am EXCITED again about my life and what is to come! It is SO amazing how God can use our greatest tragedies to grow us closer to Him and to USE us for HIS glory!! What joy it brings me to be used for HIM. Life is such an adventure and I LOVE adventure. I know that there will be more tragedy and hurt in my future, but I also know that HE already knows it is there and will NEVER let go! I pray that He will continue to refine me and bring me through whatever is to come as pure gold. It's all about perspective! We ALL have our hurts and our joys. But without Christ, that is all they are...hurts and temporary spurts of relief. WITH Christ, they are hurts that can be healed and used to change us to be more like Him and to draw others TO Him. There are Joys that are continuous and that never leave us because HE never leaves us!! What a privilege it IS to be a child of God and to have the honor of serving Him.

And, oh the mystery and excitement of what is to come!! :-)

"And the Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your desire with good things, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters fail not." ~Isaiah 58:11