Wedding Season Begins...

Well, another season has begun...Wedding season. I work as a wedding liaison for my church and so I am not only attending the many weddings of friends and relatives, but also working those of many others that I am getting to know through the process of my job. Weddings are such a happy time and for the most part I just LOVE this time of year and celebrating with all those around me as they commit their life to another individual for the "rest of their lives". To love someone enough to WANT to spend their whole life on earth with that person is something that I DO understand...it is AMAZING to experience just a touch of what unconditional love is in your life and to learn how to return that love unconditionally as well. For humans, it takes a lot of work and commitment, but oh the reward is so amazing!! It was through my seven years of marriage to Rich that I think I first had a real and tangible understanding of God's love for me. My parents loved me unconditionally, but I was too focused on myself and immature to really grasp the depth of the meaning of it all until I was an adult. It was through my marriage that I started to really understand the idea of being the bride of Christ. Wow...how amazing that HE is truly my first husband who loves me perfectly in every way!! He can meet every need and desire that no human could ever even begin to fill in my life.

Yet, even with this knowledge and SO desperately seeking after God to FILL that need in my life, I DO still miss the tangible love of having Rich in my life. As I attended a wedding today of my friend Sarah, I could see so much of me in her and so much of Rich in her NOW husband, Erik. As they said their vows, a bit of me found myself getting a bit choked up and thinking, "Don't let a tear fall because you know it won't be just one!" As they committed to love each other until "death do us part", I just breathed in deeply and said a quick prayer for them that they would only experience that at an old age or that Christ would return so they would never experience it at all. I remember saying those words and thinking how sweet it would be to grow old with dear Rich and to watch our children grow up and to even enjoy grandchildren together. Honestly, it never really crossed my mind that life would turn out this way.

God is CONTINUING to teach me to trust Him through it all and most days I feel very confident in His plan for my life and even excited about what is to come!! But, if I am completely honest, there ARE still days that I have to fight off the lies of my future being pretty bleak and lonely and hopeless. I STILL miss him after almost two years...TWO years it will be this summer since I lost him. Honestly, I think there will always be a part of me that misses him. As I heard this song tonight I was blown away by how it just brought me to tears...thinking, "If only I could just talk to him ONE more time. I didn't even get to say good-bye!!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiVjaOQ23xQ