Continuing to Hope...

The Lord says, "Those who hope in me will not be disappointed." ~Isaiah 49:23

As I started out my morning with God, I stumbled upon this verse and was so encouraged! The past week of my life has been full of some hard decisions. Yet, God has continued to amaze me how He knows my every need and does NOT disappoint when I put my trust and hope in Him!! Last Thursday was an especially hard day, and yet once again, God took care of my every need and even reminded me He cared about the things that I don't really "need". As I was out walking with a friend at the lake sharing about my current struggles, a woman (I barely know!) walked by and said, "Elizabeth Heyroth! I prayed for you today. In fact, you are on my prayer list and I have been praying for you every day!" Wow--That was almost like God Himself reminding me that He cares! THEN, later that night, a couple friends of mine brought me a BEAUTIFUL bouquet of flowers "just because". I was literally just thinking how I missed getting flowers. Rich would spoil me rotten with them often and I just hate to spend the money on them for myself, so once again, God provides! Flowers are not even something I necessarily "need", but it was just a way of God showing me that He WILL fill that void in my life. When I have days of feeling like I live in such a "couples world" and I am all alone and missing out on that sweet companionship I so desire, HE takes care of it...sometimes with just His own presence, but often with people right here with skin on them to show me their love. What an amazing God we serve! I find that when I let go of trying to control my life and fill my own desires, HE does it for me and so much better too!

Parenting is still a challenge, but would be regardless if Rich were here or not! Ha! I do, however, SO long for times where I could just get a second opinion or just have someone else step in to be the one to say NO. There really is some power and influence in being a man in a little boys' eyes as well. It is amazing how Ethan will just dissolve at even a stern look from my dad. I AM so thankful that Ethan has Godly men through my dad and my father-in-law that he can look up to as he grows. We are still working through the no daddy factor as we age. Explaining Easter brought tears to my eyes as he wanted to know if daddy could come back to life just like Jesus. I said, "No, Daddy is not God." He said, "Then, will Jesus come live with us?" :-) I told him he already did! He was happy to hear that, but not quite convinced.

As we go through new challenging moments in parenting, I try to remember the sweet times so I can continue to patiently discipline through the rough times. Ethan is entering a new stage of wanting to do the exact opposite of EVERYTHING I say. I say, "yes" He says. "NO!" I turn right when driving and he says, "I wanted to go THAT way (pointing left!)" I say he needs to listen to me and he says, "I am the adult, you listen to ME!" It can be exhausting, but as I sit down to write about it tonight, it just makes me smile. I am SO thankful I have him in my life...all of the challenges just make ME rely more on God and OH the times I have probably said the same things to Him. I pray He would grant me with the same patience He has for me.

There have also been some pretty sweet moments that I treasure and wish I could just put life on pause as I enjoy my "bi-polar" child. (Not really, but WOW, he sure can turn it off and on!) At bedtime, he turns into the sweetest thing you would ever imagine. As we talk about our day and the best and worst thing that happened, he is always full of positives! It is such a reminder for me to view life through the eyes of a child. He often struggles to think of anything that was difficult that day. We then use these things to pray to God. He LOVES to pray for others too and often will thank God for almost everyone he knows. :-) Tonight, we went to the lake to watch the sun set (It was SO beautiful!!--I LOVE where I live!). As the pink spread across the lake, we were talking about all of the things around us that God made. Tonight, he looked very carefully across the water and pointed and said in a very excited voice, "I think I see God!" It was the sweetest moment. We DID see God in everything that surrounded us. It was really a precious time! Other things that make me laugh and stand in awe of God are when I see Rich SO much in Ethan. His looks, his mannerisms, and even his sense of humor. A few days ago, I heard him giggling and I went to find him and he was kind of sliding/rolling down the stairs. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "I am pretend falling down the stairs, mommy! It is fun! Real falling is not, but THIS is!" I could not believe my ears...seriously?! He has amazing little ears and may have picked up on a conversation about his daddy falling down the stairs for a laugh, but I am not sure. I just stood there and thought, I wonder if he is going to start snorting Jello next?! ;-)

As I continue to move forward in life, I WILL hold onto hope as I trust God with my life and especially Ethan's life. I KNOW He has good plans for us and I am excited to watch our lives unfold before me. I feel like I am FINALLY getting my identity back. It was seriously like my life had just been ripped away and I was left standing there with a baby in tow wondering, "What do I do now, God?!" I was fortunate enough to have studied a lot on finding my significance in God before all of this happened, but this was a HUGE test in that area. As a woman AND a people pleaser, this has never been an easy thing for me to completely grasp. But, I am thankful that God has not and will NEVER give up on me! And on the days that I think I just can't bare this pain anymore, I remember that this life is really just the wink of an eye compared to eternity. So, I will press on!! God is making everything new!

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ~Phil. 3:12